Whosoever wants to live in this world with any degree of inner peace must learn how to deal with hurt feelings. It is so easy for the ego to take offense when people rub us the wrong way. Mastery of the feelings and emotions is at the heart of the yoga science of Self-realization—a basic of spiritual training.

I can speak from experience; hurt feelings and I were no strangers to each other. When I entered the ashram, at the age of seventeen, I was extremely sensitive and suffered much because of it. Guruji represented my spiritual ideal; I wanted above all else to please him, and any time there was a slight change in his tone of voice when addressing me, I was sure he was angry or displeased. Any strong word to me about some area in which I needed to improve caused deep hurt. I thought, “Maybe he does not like me,” and this made me want to withdraw into myself. I had a hard time fighting those moods, and rationalizing didn’t help me: “Well, he could have said something encouraging to me, seeing that I’m feeling down today.”

Often when Guruji called the devotees together and talked to us informally about the spiritual life, I found his counsel addressing exactly some struggle I was going through. On one such occasion I recorded the following:

“Many persons think that they should pity themselves when criticized, and that sensitiveness brings a little relief. But such people are like the opium addict; every time he takes the drug he becomes more steeped in the habit. Be as firm as steel against sensitiveness. Never be touchy or harbor self-pity. An oversensitive person frequently suffers in vain: generally nobody has any idea that he has a grievance, much less what it is. So he feels further hurt in his self-created isolation. Nothing is accomplished by silently brooding over some perceived offense. It is best to remove by self-mastery the cause that produces such sensitiveness.”

After about three months in the ashram, finally I realized that my self-pitying was not affecting anyone but myself; and I made up my mind: “No more hurt feelings! I am not going to give in to them anymore; they are my enemy. I can’t expect the world to change to keep me happy. It is up to me to change.” That brought such a marvelous understanding. A wonderful sense of freedom comes when you take responsibility for your own feelings, your own happiness and peace of mind.

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